FOR DOUCHY UNIVERSITIES, PT 2

Dear Mr. Dr. President of the University,

It has once again come to my attention that things are going awry in your Extremely Prestigious University. The secretary must have hidden my first letter to you, because she was afraid that you’d pull a Ronald Reagan and they’d all lose their jobs for sucking so hard.

As a recent graduate of your University, I want to let you know that your people there continue to haunt my soul. In particular, I hate your financial aid office. Thank God that some of your students are proactive, otherwise nothing would ever get done.

I have recently gotten a new job that required that I give them an official copy of my college transcript. I signed onto my.ExtremelyPrestigiousUniversity.edu, and found that in the two months since I finished my final semester, no one has notified me that I have a hold on my account, and cannot receive a copy of my transcript. Additionally, my diploma cannot be released between January 31, 2011 to December 31, 2099. Excuse me Sir, but does it not occur to your people to notify me by email or letter or God forbid, phone, that I owe you people $1000 in order to walk at graduation or, you know, receive my diploma in the mail.

Of course it doesn’t.

I weep for the students who aren’t as proactive as me. Of course, I called the University to get to the bottom of the matter. After 45 minutes, I was finally able to speak to a financial aid representative who told me of the alleged $1000 that I owe you people. Whatever.

The next week, to my surprise, a package comes in the mail from your Extremely Prestigious University. What is inside? My diploma! Good job, good job indeed! While I was not displeased to see it at all, I couldn’t help wonder which idiot in your administration had sent it, considering the fact that it wasn’t allowed to be released to me from “January 31, 2011 to December 31, 2099.” I swear, the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing in there.

Anyway, later that week, I go in to pay that shit. In cash. One thousand pesos. I make sure to get a receipt. While I’m there, I put in a transcript request form.

I wait. A week passes, no transcript. Finally, your people call me to let me know that they can’t process my transcript because there’s a hold on my account. Well, well, well. What a surprise. Sir, this is why your mother told you to hold onto your receipts. After working the glitch out for them, I am promised that my transcript is being sent out “on Friday.” After four years of this bullcrap,I know not to hold my breath.

Lo and behold, that shit doesn’t show up for three weeks.

Congratulations on your smoothly-run University,
A Disgruntled Graduate