(RUSH)(HOUR)

I think that for stupid people, it is sometimes best to break down words so they can have a better understanding of them. For example, a word like rush hour. "Rush Hour" (which isn't even one word, but we say it as one) is the time of the day when all people who work are either going to or coming from their job. This is a critical time of the day because in the morning we're rushing because we overslept, and in the afternoon we're rushing because we want to get as far away from our place of business as possible.

So, to break down the word fully; "Rush" is the key word to hold onto. It means to be speady. As in, get your ass in gear. "Hour" refers to the time of the rushing (roughly from 7am to 9am or from 5pm to 8pm). Put the two words together, and you realize that this is the time to move your ass.

Obviously, some people haven't been taking the meaning of this phrase seriously, otherwise I wouldn't have to talk about it. So for future reference for all the language-challenged people who participate in Rush Hour (and especially Rush Hour in New York City), I have some things not to do.

First of all, if you're the guy in the subway at the 59th & Lex stop, don't sing during this time. I know you think that it's when you're most likely to get a lot of money, but your voice is truly awful, and doubly so during Friday evening Rush Hour. One day, someone is going to strangle you with your microphone cord to the applause of everyone in the subway. Be safe. Stop singing.

When there is a crowd waiting for the subway, do not push your way to the front of the crowd. This is incredibly rude. You do not have first pick of the seats because you haven't been waiting the longest time. Back of the line, buddy.

This rule is just general subway Betiquette, and I am shocked about how many people ignore it: DO NOT PUSH YOUR WAY INTO THE SUBWAY CAR WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GET OUT. I feel like this rule gets a little out of hand during evening Rush Hour because everyone wants to sit on their ass after a long hard day of sitting on their ass, so they're all pushing and shoving for that one seat that is available on the subway at the expense of people trying to get out. Patience, people. You're probably not going to be the one getting the seat, anyway.

Please try to avoid taking your screaming three year old on the subway at Rush Hour. People are trying to sleep during morning Rush Hour, and people are irritable during evening Rush Hour. This is a recipe for disaster. Of course, it's understandable that this is unavoidable sometimes, but in those cases, get them a binky or something.

When going up and down subway steps and escalators, remember that the right side is for slow people/Old People/people with children. On the other hand, the left side is for people who want to move their ass. I understand that you probably would rather stay at the office because going home to your wife and children before the children are in bed seems like an awful prospect, but then you have to stay on your side of the escalator (the right side, in case you missed it). Especially when someone behind you is trying to move their ass down the escalator to get to their train that is waiting in the station. Because if I have one more train slam its doors in my face because someone doesn't know the proper side of the escalator, it's going to be trouble.